


We Are The Survivors (it's hard to be the ones who survive)

by CaptainCricket



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Order 66 (Star Wars), Post-Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCricket/pseuds/CaptainCricket
Summary: Set a few days after Rex and Ahsoka escape Order 66 and are on the run. Rex is not okay and the horrors of the last few years of the war are in the forefront of his mind.
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	We Are The Survivors (it's hard to be the ones who survive)

"Sometimes it's hard to be the one who survives."  
Cody's statement played on repeat in Rex's mind, even more now than when it was first uttered in the darkened barracks on Annaxus. It had been a week since he and Ahsoka barely survived the crash of the resolute and buried his brothers. Neither one spoke much in those first few days, apart from their brief conversation where they decided the best planets to hide out on until order 66 was over. Rex did not want to know the fate of the remaining 501st, nor the fate of his closest brother, Cody. It was easier that way.  
Ahsoka grunted quietly in her sleep and shifted closer to him. For lack of better (safer) shelter they had broken into what appeared to be an abandoned barn on the outskirts of an outer rim village. It was cold and damp but it was better than venturing further into town and risking capture or worse. They had heard rumours that the Republic had been transformed into the first galactic empire, but word was slow out in the territories and they couldn't risk asking around for confirmation. Ahsoka mentioned the possibility of seeking out abandoned jedi temples the night before so she could connect with the force and search for survivors. Rex disagreed, albeit a bit too harshly, as it would be the first places the clones would search for survivors. She couldn't risk any connections to her jedi past at the moment. He knew she was scared, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. He was scared as well. Terrified. These were the nightmares he and his brothers had ever since they came out of the tube. Fives was right. They should have paid attention.  
Rex rubbed at his eyes. He shouldn't let himself spiral like this. It wasn't going to help if he went insane from what ifs and what could have beens. He needed to focus on their next steps. He needed to protect Ahsoka.  
A small whimper from the Togruta brought his full attention back to reality. She was still asleep at his side with her back to him. Her montrals were caked in dirt, as was the cloak that covered her small frame. Rex, on the other hand, sat beside her, still in his full armour and a similar brown cloak covering his republic identity. He had removed his helmet and had been working on modifying the HUD to prevent anyone tracing him, should they ever find out he was still alive. He couldn't sleep, not that he ever really slept much to begin with. Rex learnt from an early age that the less he slept, the less he would relive the horrors of war and see the faces of men he lost. He had been sleeping even less than normal after the death of Fives. Normally Ahsoka would be around to help distract him from the memories, but she wasn't there when Fives died in his arms. He was lonely, despite being surrounded by his brothers and people he considered friends. Cody helped where he could, but it wasn't the same. Cody lacked the warm, soothing comfort of Ahsoka's presence, much as Rex would never openly admit how much he adored her. Rex appreciated the effort Cody put in though, since Cody would rarely talk about emotions at risk of appearing vulnerable. He and Rex shared an unspoken brotherly bond where they didn't need to say how they felt for the other to understand. It was hard to be the ones who survived.  
Rex hadnt realised he was crying until teardrops appeared on the face of his helmet. It reminded him of Tup, who had a single teardrop painted under his visor. The Jaig eyes stared back at Rex, a heavy reminder of the sacrifices and choices he made to survive a pointless war. So many brothers and now so many Jedi were dead. All for what?  
The tears fell freely now, and Rex wondered how he managed to hold them back so well during the war. He couldn't remember how he held his head high and soldiered on. He could barely remember how to control his breathing.  
A small hand touched his pauldron and he jolted, instantly grabbing his blaster beside him. Ahsoka came into view, bleary eyed and concerned, and Rex relaxed just enough to put his blaster back on the floor beside him.  
"Rex, what's wrong?" She whispered as her hands tenderly cradled his face.  
He couldn't look her in the eyes. He wanted to scream out that everything was wrong. He wanted his brothers back. He wished that this order 66 never existed.  
Instead he closed his eyes and shrugged. The tears continued to fall.  
"Rex, please talk to me"  
A sigh escaped his lips as he met her eyes, "Im sorry Commander. I just got distracted. Won't happen again." It was the wrong thing to say. Her face screwed up as a wave of emotions passed through Ahsoka. First she seemed cross, then upset, before returning to concern and understanding. She knew this game, as she had numerous accounts of pulling Rex out of his misery during the war. This was almost the same as when she tried to get him to talk to her about the Umbara campaign. Rex was a mess but wouldnt talk to a soul. He simply barked orders, shouted at shinies, and in his down time was either found in the shooting range destroying target droids or disappeared into the dark recesses of the resolute where no one but a jedi could find him. He had been crying that time when Ahsoka found him, but before she could do anything to help he dismissed himself and returned to the bridge, hiding his tear stained face in his helmet for the foreseeable future. It was only when she tricked him into her private quarters and locked the door did she get him to talk. She was patient and he eventually caved. Though this time the issue was far more severe than a rogue jedi turning clones on one another and sending them to their deaths. She knew Rex was holding in guilt and anger and an endless amount of regret and questions which had no answers. The best she could do was be there for him when he wanted to talk and hold him when he needed comfort. If he could do that for her during all the times he found her alone doubting herself then she would do it for him as well.  
"Ahsoka..." his voice was rough and dry, which alerted her to the fact he had probably been crying a lot longer than she realised. She reached towards the pack they brought with them and pulled their shared water canister. He took it with a nod of thanks. She watched as he swallowed the much needed water, careful to not spill any despite his shaking hands. He hadn't noticed her quietly observing him for the past week, and now was no different. Rex had changed much since she left the army. He was quieter, even during the battle of Mandalore he rarely spoke apart from orders and the occasional joke with her. Something told Ahsoka that her return was the first reason Rex had to smile in a long time. She heard through the grapevine that Fives had died and the 501st had lost so many casualties in the year she was gone that over half the legion were either shinies or sent from other legions to build their numbers back up to standard. Ahsoka tried not to blame her leaving on this; she knew that the outer rim seiges were prolonged and intense even from what information she saw filtered through the holonet. Still, she felt guilty since her departure was so abrupt the 501st hadnt even gained a new commander, leaving Rex to fill both positions as captain and commander. Despite the accelerated aging of the clones, she was certain that the stess he was put under made him look older and wearier and it broke her heart to see him like that. He had lost so many of his brothers and friends and now a fate worse than death became true for the remainder of the Grand Army. She wondered if there were other clones out there who disobeyed and removed their chips. She wondered if Fives' legacy saved more than just one clone and jedi. She could sense there was still shreds of light in the galaxy, but the force was so unbalanced with the dark side. She felt so much death and chaos and suffering in those first hours it was like reliving every single loss of the war all at once. In amongst the chaos, however, she sensed hope, as strange as that sounded. Something had shifted in the force, surrounded by grief and suffering, but it was a single bright light in a dark abyss and it was strong. She couldn't trace it, and she did not recognise it, but it had the same intensity in the force as her master did.  
Rex finished his water, and the movement snapped Ahsoka out of her reverie. He silently offered her some but she shook her head.  
"I'm not thirsty yet. Are you okay Rex?" She hoped he would answer her truthfully instead of deflecting like usual.  
Rex looked down at his lap as he mulled the question over in his mind. He knew if he started talking the flood gates will open and Ahsoka would then be subjected to what could be hours of his problems and doubts. He debated not talking but since there were still a few hours until daybreak he figured it was now or never.  
"I just... there was a lot that happened and I keep thinking that i should have focussed on what was important more than what i was ordered." He sneaks a glance at Ahsoka, who was quietly sitting at his side, patient as ever. Her look of encouragement and understanding was all that kept him going.  
"I suppose you haven't heard the full story about Fives and my report was probably redacted to hide the truth. When Tup became ill, the separatists were overly interested in it. I'm pretty sure it was Dooku himself who sent droids to kidnap Tup on his way to Kamino. So Skywalker, Fives and I went on a rescue mission to get him back. Fives and I were sent to accompany him to Kamino personally after that but I was called back to the front and left Fives. From what i gathered from Kamino security Fives wasn't much of a good patient when Nulla Se isolated him for tests. The property damage alone, he" Rex chuckled at the memory. One way to tell if Fives had been somewhere was to see how much stuff was broken. "Fives apparently ran a scan that found something inside Tup's head and he got a droid to extract it and then the same thing from his head as well. General Ti did a full report on them mainly because she was held at gun point by Fives while he showed her evidence that these chips were in every clone since birth. One thing about General Shaak Ti I always admired was that she was never intimidated by the long necks. They were trying to hide something and if you read between the lines in her report she implied just that. Fives was then brought back to Corrie to speak with the Chancellor but then something happened. He said he was being framed for attacking the Chancellor and from what Kix told me, he felt like there was an entire conspiracy that ran deeper than just what happened with Tup. He had found the tip of the iceberg. At least now we know what the bottom looks like hey?" He paused for a moment to digest that fact. In a way he was glad Fives didn't have to see the real reason the Kaminoans were covering up the incident. It made him sick to the core that they and whoever else was involved created the clones for this purpose. It went so far that an ENTIRE WAR was fabricated to eliminate the jedi and seize power. To know that there was someone out there so comfortable playing with billions of lives like that made Rex livid. His brothers not only died for nothing, but they lived to be exploited. "General Skywalker and I found him in a warehouse and he tried to tell us what happened, but he was hysterical. Unfortunately Fox shot him before he told us everything and I'm pretty sure what he didn't tell us was who the Chancellor really was. I haven't been able to sleep much since that. Fives... He died in my arms. He told me... He told me that he was finally free. He shouldn't have died like that. He was a good soldier. Not just because he followed orders but because he was a good man. He was one of the last friends I had left. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Echo the truth about what happened to his vod after we rescued him. Echo... He left as well. I couldn't ask him to stay. He deserved to be with the bad batch. They were good men too. I couldn't ask him to stay where he no longer felt he belonged. Cody was the only real friend I had left in command. The general was too preoccupied with finding spare time to call his wife and Jesse and Kix were always busy. Kix disappeared before you came back and no one knows what happened to him. He just went MIA. Jesse's last request to me was to help find him. That was before... Well you know the rest. I'm not okay Ahsoka. I failed my brothers because i didn't pay enough attention. My existence served an evil purpose and now the war is over I don't know what to do with myself. My family is gone." His voice broke on the last sentence and Rex found himself in tears again. Ahsoka rubbed the back of his neck and pulled him into an embrace. He relaxed a little at her touch and for once he could ignore the alarm bells in his head that screamed for him to stop being weak in front of his commander. Ahsoka didn't comment, only continued to rub the back of his neck and head.  
They stayed like that until Rex finally had no more tears left. Ahsoka ignored the damp patch on her cloak as she hummed a tune she remembered learning as a youngling. She ran her fingers up and down Rex's scalp and neck up to the collar of his blacks, trying her best to calm him. The clone was still breathing heavily as sobs choked through him. It was probably the most he had ever cried in his life. Tears he had never shed and emotions he had bottled up so he could keep going every day. Rex suddenly looked up at her, recognising the tune. His face was blotchy and red, and shining with tears. Ahsoka could feel her heart breaking as she looked at him, realising with a sudden sadness that he was barely even 13 years old. They were both still so young, not matter what they felt. Ahsoka wiped the stray tears on Rex's cheek with her thumb and pressed her forehead against his. She continued to hum the old mandalorian tune to him, as he gently wrapped his arms around her waist.  
Rex began to hum along with her, his deep tenor contrasting with her airy voice in harmony. Never before had he dared to be so intimate with another being, but he had also never been as vulnerable as he was right now. He couldn't say he was entirely ashamed for his break down that soaked his former commander's cloak, since he felt somewhat better for releasing his emotions that were well locked away for the past decade of his life. Ahsoka returned the gesture with a light kiss on his cheek before she pressed her head into his shoulder. Rex knew she was not doing any better than he was, despite how well she was hiding it. He decided he would wait until the moment was right. Ahsoka was always more vocal about her doubts and regrets once she was ready to talk about them. So instead he gently kissed the side of her montrals and held her close, whispering thank you as he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I wrote this last year after I watched the amazing series finale of The Clone Wars. It was actually only last year that I got into this series, despite being a star wars fan for pretty much all my life. I binged it during lockdown before the new season aired and that finale broke me. I adore Rex and Ahsoka so much and wish they had more episodes with their friendship and Ahsoka's relationship with the clones.  
> Also the mention of Kix disappearing is from one of the graphic novels where Kix is captured by the confederation when he tries to investigate what happened to Fives. He is put into carbonite and forgotten until well after the battle of endor making him the last living clone. Poor Kix!
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos are appreciated <3


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